“I do not like the way the word feels on my lips.
How something so empty can tug so heavily on my limbs. How something so void of emotion can feel Just like sadness sometimes, And other times Like parties
And smiles
And laughter. I do not like the way they press it to pages, Lined in cigarette smoke and blackened flower petals,
The way pages crease when it is whispered Through pretty girls and petrichor. The way they speak it as if it is their name. I do not like the way the word sits in my chest Like a brick-laid shadow, the ghost of an elephant–
It steps on my lungs but cannot bring itself to kill me. I am suffocating,
Smothered and extinguished.
Tears fall like ashes and shatter. I do not like that I am a remnant of summertime,
A shining face without a smile. I linger, always, Waiting on the outskirts of darkened tunnels And dimly-lit halls, For a home I can always return to.
For an end I may never have to write.”
— poeticallyordinary, on my complicated relationship with my depression diagnosis.
As a person who’s also dealing with a mental illness I feel like I notice a lot of stuff ‘normal’ people don’t see.
I noticed how the pretty blond girl in my class suddenly shut down when someone was talking about self harm.
I noticed how the boy that’s always helping others didn’t eat at breakfast, or lunch or dinner.
I noticed how the usually quiet girl was rubbing her wrists when she was nervous.
I noticed how the girl who’s always social suddenly got very quiet and put on headphones to escape the world.
I noticed how the friendliest guy I’ve ever met was hurting when everyone was talking about their loving parents.
I noticed how the skinny girl in my class stood still for a couple of seconds after she got up because she felt dizzy.
I notice the long sleeves, the tired eyes, the blank look, the big hoodies.
And if you just take a moment to look around, you’ll notice too.
——
2nd December 2018
people act like this shit is fake deep or something but i just had a really hard conversation with another friend of mine abt a mutual friend of ours over disordered behavior i saw her manifesting TWO years ago i could have said something sooner but it just so happened my friend already knew and had talked to this girls parents for her. speak up even i it’s just saying “hey you okay?,” or “wanna meet up n walk to class together” sometimes just having someone pay attention is enough for that day
